Exiled Since 1986

Editor’s note: This account came in as part of another posting, in the form of a letter to President Obama and to Congressional leaders. Reproduced here so that it can be listed independently as one of “our stories.”

Dear President Obama, Majority Leader Reid, Speaker Pelosi, Chairman Schumer, and Chairwoman Lofgren:

I am writing to ask for your support for the Uniting American Families Act. It will most likely be unimportant to you that I left USA in 1986 because of my longstanding relationship with a same-sex partner of British nationality. As an American I was educated that as a citizen my freedoms are guaranteed. However, when it came to my freedom of choice, I soon learned it was not open to homosexuals. My partner and I have been together for over 26 years and intend remaining so until death do us part. We have long hoped that one day my country would accept my choice and we would one day return home.

It may also be unimportant to you that over the years of living in a free democratic Europe we have learned to live without family. My partner has no family so my family are all we have. After many years abroad we have made wonderful friends who have been our replacement family. We still very much care and love our family in USA but there are now many cultural differences, new family members whom we do not even know and of course the loss of my mother and obviously one day my father.

I would never expect you to understand what it is like to be removed from your loved ones and be forced to have only telephone relationships with them. Nor are you expected to understand the prejudices we have faced. We had to accept our plight and pray to God things could change for the next generation. We are both nearing fifty years of age and perhaps could not adapt to the American way. Please do not allow future generations to grow old without their parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles and of course childhood friends. You are not expected to understand what this does to one’s spirit for life.

We have both had a challenging and wonderful time in Europe. We are and always will be grateful to Europe and in particular the United Kingdom for allowing two gay men of different nationalities to remain in love and together. We pray our family have no homosexual offspring and we do for your families. We understand it’s a possibility that each of you may have a gay member in your family one day. Therefore we pray they have the sense and understanding to only fall in love with a US citizen or be forced towards a life without their loved ones being by their side.

We are both certain that each of you would never want your child, niece or nephew, etc., to endure a life without family. Trust us when we say it can be lonely no matter how many wonderful friends they make in their lives of living in countries that allow same-sex partners of different nationalities to remain as a couple.

Please try to understand what we have endured since 1986, when I was forced to leave my wonderful country of birth simply because I fell in love with a British subject. Try to imagine what each of you had the opportunity to achieve in that time span and what we were denied. Now is the time for the USA to unite and not separate your citizens, regardless of sexuality.

Sincerely,

Richard